I am joining the Overcome Anxiety Race because I myself was a teen who struggled tremendously with anxiety. I remember anxiety beginning in the 5th grade. The pressure to maintain friendships with girls who were popular was a tough task. I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be funny. I wanted to be like the other girls…but I never felt that I measured up. Things at home were unstable. My mom fought a lot with her boyfriend who was an alcoholic.
I began to shut down after being rejected by my “friends.” I became very quiet at school. I didn’t have anyone to sit with at lunch. I became very self-conscious; worrying about my appearance and what other people thought about me. I was self-critical of myself.
By the 9th grade, my first year in high school, I started feeling very depressed and anxious. I was nervous all the time. I didn’t like to talk in front of a group of people. I hated being the center of attention. People often miss-read me, thinking I was mad or stuck-up. I was neither of those things. I was actually scared to death of people and relationships. I didn’t know how to act around other people. I refused to get up in front of my class and speak. Even when it was a graded assignment, I told the teacher to just give me an F because I wasn’t doing it.
I became paralyzed with social anxiety. I started having anxiety attacks where I would hyperventilate and lose my breath. I even passed out on a couple of occasions. I didn’t feel like I had any support. I did not have anyone to talk to. I tried telling my family that I needed help and medication. Nobody seemed to listen to me. This was ultimately the beginning of my drug use.
I met a boy when I was 16 and became very co-dependant on him. He was a drug-addict, addicted to prescription narcotics. One of them being Xanax, an anti-anxiety medication. I quickly became addicted. Long story short I was taking up to 60 pills a day. I should have died many times. All of this, I believe, was a result of my un-diagnosed anxiety disorder.
I have since then been through a treatment program and learned skills to manage my anxiety. I also had eating disorders as a result of my anxiety. I also sought treatment for that. Now I am on Fluexotine to help with depression and anxiety. It has helped me tremendously.