This post is for the parents reading this who have a child dealing with a mental health issue and don’t know what to do. For parents, as your child grows up, you want your child to be happy and live a carefree, fulfilling life. But what do you do when your child is facing an eating disorder, anxiety, depression, or any other mental health issue? My parents were faced with this when in high school; I was diagnosed with an eating disorder and depression followed by my brother who was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Yes, it was a rough couple of years for my brother and I while we were trying to get our mental health issues under control, however this post isn’t about us. It’s about our parents. It’s about the parents who are trying their best to help, but truly feel helpless watching their child struggle with any mental health issue.
I faced most of my mental health issues in high school and the first year of college. Now, as a senior, I have both my eating disorder and depression under control, but I wouldn’t have been able to do this without the support, love, and help of my parents. Looking back, I can see the effort my parents put in to help me and I wanted to share some tips with other parents out there facing the same struggle my parents did. Reflecting on the things my parents did that helped me get where I am today, I have come up with a couple of suggestions.
My first piece of advice is to just be there for your child. My depression and eating disorder all started when my family moved. I started school at a new high school where I tried to make friends, but no matter how hard I tried, it just felt like no one liked me. Kids in high school were doing drugs and drinking, doing things I didn’t want to engage in, so I just felt like I didn’t fit in. I never hung out with anyone and soon I began turning everything on myself that I was the problem, not the kids drinking underage or doing drugs. This is where my parents came in. They were there for me every day when I would come home from school. Friday nights consisted of my parents and I watching movies, playing games, and eating dinner together – it was something I looked forward to throughout the week, it’s really what got me through the week. Now, maybe some of the parents reading this have kids who are completely withdrawn and hanging out with their parents is the last thing they want. Keep being there for them. This might sound confusing, but I’ll just say it – teens are confusing. There were times I didn’t want to hang out with my parents just because I was so angry and sad and honestly, I was mad at them for making me move to this new high school. However, they never stopped asking if I wanted to go see a movie or go grab dinner together. Yes, I was angry and a lot of the time I would say no or even ignore them, but I know deep down, it comforted me. They never stopped being there for me even when I thought I didn’t want them to be and looking back now, I know that kept me going.
My second piece of advice is to try to understand what your child is going through. I will be honest with you, it might be completely impossible for you to fully understand your child’s thoughts and the issue they are dealing with, but try talking to them and ask them what they need from you. The mental health issues I was dealing with caused a lot of tension between my parents and I – “tension” might even be an understatement. One of the best things we did was that they came to one of the sessions I had with my therapist. It was a safe room with someone who was neutral who could help me understand where my parents were coming from and vice versa. After a couple of sessions with my parents, they were able to understand what I needed from them and I understood what they needed from me. This all helped us get along better and fight less often. The therapist helped them understand what was going on in my mind so when I was at my lows or came home sobbing from school, they were able to give me better advice and calm me down better. Looking back now, I realize what an impact those few sessions had. Whether your child goes to a therapist or not, the point is to try to understand what your child is going through and thinking. Sit down and talk to them and ask them what they need from you. Knowing that my parents were there to help me was so comforting and made me feel like things will be okay. This will better equip you to help your child and give them what they need.
There are many different health issues and I’m sure there are pieces of advice specific to each individual issue, however being there for your child and trying to understand them are both the two biggest ones that I believe work with any mental health issue. They can both be applied to any issue your child is facing. Just don’t give up on your child, try to understand their issue and be there for them no matter what mean things they yell at you or tell you how much they hate you or seem like they are completely uninterested in talking to you – being there for them and trying to understand them will help both you and your child more than you realize.
By: Kristen Fellberg, Anxiety In Teens Contributor