Anxiety In Teens is honored to feature Dr. Esta Rapaport, author of ADHD and Social Skills: A Step-by-Step Guide for Teachers and Parents, to share her insights on what to do when a teenager is struggling with social skills. This is Part I of a two-part interview with Dr. Rapaport- Check out the great advice plus the opportunity to get a lot more of this info in her book or go here for part II, ADHD Symptoms in Teens!
What advice would I give to teenagers who are struggling with social skills?
First, I would assure them that many teenagers struggle with social skills.
Second, I would explain to them that problems with social skills are directly related to exhibiting socially inappropriate behavior. Some of those behaviors are: Interrupting; talking constantly and continuously; barging into others’ social interactions; not paying close attention to what their peers are saying and therefore, misunderstanding the meaning of what they are saying, which results in them talking about the wrong topic; among other socially inappropriate behaviors.
Third, I would explain to them in a kind, yet candid way, that teenagers often reject and rebuff other teenagers who exhibit socially inappropriate behavior, because quite honestly, they find that behavior annoying.
Fourth, I would tell them that they have to try to look at themselves and their behavior as their peers do, so that they can determine which behaviors they will be able to successfully diminish. For example, if they interrupt when their peers are speaking instead of waiting for a turn to speak, their peers will become irritated very quickly.Even though examining their own behavior may sound like a daunting task, before anyone can improve their social skills, they must know what behavior or behaviors they want to improve. If they diminish their socially inappropriate behavior, they will begin to build positive social skills. Therefore, in order to improve upon their social skills, they must diminish the socially inappropriate behavior that they exhibit that causes their peers to rebuff and/or reject them.
How would they evaluate their social skills? I would suggest that they ask themselves the following questions and record the answers:
1. Do you have difficulty understanding your peers’ body language? (Observe how close they are standing/sitting to another person; notice if they are looking directly at the other person as they are conversing, or are they looking at you? Are they standing up straight, looking at others, or are they looking down? Are they sitting in a relaxed way or are they slumped over? Are they smiling or do they look angry?)
2. Do you have problems with responsibility, in terms of not understanding how to behave responsibly?
3. Do you have difficulty listening to and interpreting your peers’ social cues?
4. Do you have difficulty with self-control?
5. Do you appear vulnerable to others, which may lead to being teased and/or bullied?
6. Do you have problems cooperating and compromising with peers?
7. When you a peer approaches, do you look toward the ground, or do you look at them approaching?
8. When you see a peer approaching, do you greet them with “Hi,” or “What’s up?” or do you not speak?
9. When a peer speaks to you, do you listen, or do you find yourself interrupting?
10. Do you find yourself talking too much in a social situation?
After you collate your answers to the above questions, choose one and only one social skill upon which to work. Here is an example:
1. Do you have difficulty understanding your peers’ body language? The reason that understanding peers’ body language is so important, is because their body language will give you a clue as to whether or not they are open to conversing with you, or instead, if they are busy speaking with other people exclusively.
EXAMPLE: Let us say that during lunch, you want to go up to speak with a peer. Before you do so, look carefully at the following:
a. Is that peer sitting looking down at his lunch by himself, not talking to others?
b. Instead, is he talking to others in an animated manner while he eats his lunch?
c. Does it look to you as if the teenagers with whom you want to speak are sitting close to one another, which implies that their conversation is private?
What should you do?
Before you speak with different teenagers, I would ask yourself the same questions as above.
For more information on Dr. Rapoport, follow her on Twitter at @adhdanswers and follower her on Facebook, or she can be reached here:
Esta M. Rapoport, Ed.D
E-Mail: estamrapoport@gmail.com
Blog: adhdanswers.blogspot.com Website: http://www.socialskillstrainingservices.com/
About the Book and Places Where to Purchase
Individuals can search for ADHD and Social Skills: A Step-by-Step Guide for Teachers and Parents, written by Esta M. Rapoport, Ed.D and published by Rowman and Littlefield.
“An insightful resource filled with useful examples and anecdotes from Dr. Rapoport’s field research with families of children with ADHD. This book provides parents and teachers numerous concrete methods and techniques to help children with ADHD learn and perform appropriate social skills that are critical for getting along with others and experiencing social success.”—Sandra Rief, Author of How to Reach & Teach Children with ADD/ADHD and The ADHD Book of Lists
“This is a lavishly detailed book providing numerous recommendations for ways to address the social interaction problems and social skills impairments associated with ADHD in children. Dr. Rapoport combines her knowledge of the research literature on social skills interventions for children with her own direct, hands-on experience in designing and implementing social skills programs for socially impaired children. Teachers will find here a wealth of information on how to improve the manner in which they educate children with ADHD around their social interaction problems while parents are likely to benefit as well from adapting these same methods for use at home with their children’s peer relationship problems.”—Russell A. Barkley, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, Medical University of South Carolina, Charleston
Children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) leave for school in the morning with a smile and a backpack, ready to make friends. They often return from school after having been bullied. Children with ADHD appear vulnerable to their peers, because they misinterpret social cues and behave in a socially inappropriate manner. These children have few if any friends.
This book explains the difficulties that children with ADHD endure to those individuals who do not understand the complexities of these children’s problems. Difficulties with attention, organization and social interaction are listed, defined, and described. Teachers and personnel who work with these children in school and parents who work with their children at home are offered innovative techniques for improving these children’s behavior, in a way that everyone can understand and implement. Real-life experiences of average people living with children with ADHD are included, so that parents can feel less alone in their experiences.
Esta M. Rapoport, Ed.D does social skills training with children who have ADHD.
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