From my own experience, I know that depression and anxiety can be downright tiring. Oftentimes you might just want to stay at home or curled up in bed in order to avoid potentially distressing situations. Your energy and motivation might be low and the day feels utterly hopeless. Because of this, doing anything to make yourself feel better or get some relief from the depression doesn’t even seem remotely possible. “Feeling better” or “being happy” are just intangible thoughts.
Throughout my life though, I have found some tips and tricks that actually helpful in lifting my depressed and anxious mood. One of the most useful tips I know is to set small goals, realistic goals for myself. This is something I now rely on frequently and I really believe that it has been a huge factor in my feeling better.
For a long time, I sat around trying to figure out how I could be happy. I wanted so badly to not feel lonely and sad, but I had no idea how to go about it. There was a great disconnect between where I was and where I wanted to be. How could I get from point A to point B? I didn’t have an answer and so I continued hoping that someday I would just wake up and everything would be alright. I hoped there would be some magical shift in my thoughts and emotions and I would be “normal.”
Finally, I made some important discoveries. Things weren’t going to change unless I started trying to do some things differently. With the encouragement of therapists and supportive friends and family members, I began to set those small goals for myself. My goals didn’t have to be dramatic. In fact, often times I wondered how my goals would ever really be beneficial because they seemed so insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
For instance, during the height of my depression, I rarely went out with friends and mostly wanted to isolate or be alone. My therapist recommended setting a first goal of just getting out of the house and doing something I enjoyed. I made the goal to simply go out for a walk with my mom at least once that week. To be honest, I really was thinking, “how is going for a walk with my mom going to help me feel less alone?” But, you know what? It was about more than just that one walk. It was about the fact that once I felt okay with that, I could build on that first goal until I was comfortable going out with friends again. And breaking the cycle of isolation, slowly but surely, helped me break away from the deep depression.
So I would encourage you all to try to set yourself up for happiness by making little goals that you feel you can follow through with. Again, these don’t need to be goals so broad or big that they feel unattainable or overwhelming (ex: I will not be sad this week). Instead, think about the big picture and decide what things you would like to be different. Maybe you would like to improve your relationship with your parents or a close friend that you have lost touch with. Perhaps you think you’d feel better if you found a hobby or activity you enjoy. Then, break each of those ideas down and find one or two ways that might be helpful in achieving that. For example, write a letter to that old friend or make a list of various activities that you might be interested in getting involved with.
While these goals might not solve the problems and make your depression simply disappear, I think you will find that achieving your goals gives you a small confidence boost which can be motivating to keep taking the next steps. When you start doing things differently than you normally do when you are depressed, you might just find relief and an alternative to that hopeless feeling. Sometimes we need to push ourselves just past our comfort zones in order to escape the darkness and get a glimpse of what happiness we could really have in our life.
By: Kara B, Anxiety In Teens Contributor