You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away. – Jimmie Davis
When we think of sunshine we typically tend to think of warmth, comfort, light, and joy; things that bring us happiness. In this classic song, Davis suggest that whoever this person is, is so full of life that they have become the only source of happiness that he has. This person is able to bring out the better side in him when it feels as if there is no room for his mood to improve, and he makes it clear that he loves this person endlessly, and fears the loss of them, as he knows that without them, he cannot experience this same level of bliss.
I feel as though sometimes I have been dubbed as the embodiment of sunshine, which as I will explain, has become fairly detrimental, despite the positive connotations. More often than not, I can tell you with sincerity that life is good. I’m generally optimistic and extremely content with where my journey has taken me so far, and I have faith that by working hard, believing in my abilities, and following my passions, that this trend will continue. Anyone that knows me, could probably tell you that I have a very natural energy and zest for life and that I thrive in social settings. I am extremely animated and come fully-equipped with a seemingly endless amount of liveliness for those around me. But my excessive enthusiasm isn’t always on the forefront, and it is important to understand why that isn’t always a negative thing.
One thing that is important to consider, is that the way that we view others, is not the way that they are at all times of the day, and that pinning these defining attributes to others and expecting a certain level of performance from them can be extremely damaging, in ways you may not even realize. I experience this in small doses. Typically, these experiences are little things that seem harmless and innocent, like being asked why I’m not smiling the minute that someone who knows me sees me. It is vital to remember, that just because I am not beaming at all hours of the day, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I am not content or that I am not experiencing happiness. Consider instead, that I could be focused on the task at hand or thinking about something that I have to do later on. Not smiling does not equal discontentment, and it isn’t fair to feel pressured to smile at all hours of the day, just because that’s the reputation that has been attached to me.
It’s also worth mentioning how easy it is to lose yourself when you are expected to simply play the part of “sunshine”. Think about how ridiculous that would be in the natural world. Sometimes the earth calls for a raging storm, an isolated blizzard, a cleansing rain, but the universe still just demands sunshine, and so it streams through the crevices of authenticity until it consumes the earth entirely. How long could nature be tampered with before relapsing and allowing its true environment to take control? How long can one person emit “sunshine” before their true emotions cause them to erupt?
Over the course of my life I have met a large number people who enjoy my natural energy. I have been told many times that my zest for life makes others extremely happy. Although it is generally considered a positive thing to be able to shed light onto others, it can quickly become dangerous. When I’ve come into contact with people who I can tell need my spunk to help aid them in stability, it can feel demanding and exhausting. It is difficult to feel like I always have to perform and pretend that I am full of energy at all times, regardless as to whether or not I actually am. More than anything, it is frustrating. Not only is it frustrating because it can cause me to lose authenticity in my emotions, but also because it is saddening to see others rely on me for their own sense of happiness when I have worked so hard to create it for myself.
Some days it feels like there is a set quota for it. Like the battery on a phone slowly draining throughout the day and then, poof, it’s gone, that’s enough zest and energy for one day, come back tomorrow when you’re fully charged. It is mentally and physically exhausting to feel obligated to provide a certain level of energy for others at all times. It is critical that we do not get into the habit of relying on others for our own happiness, because it slowly depletes the source that they have to pull from and spend on themselves. I’m not implying that it isn’t okay to feel happiness in the presence of others, or that happiness isn’t an experience that is meant to be shared. What I will say, is that if your main source of bliss is dependant on those around you, it is dangerous for both parties. I was inspired to write this piece, because I don’t believe there is enough awareness surrounding the severity of always pumping out energy for the sake of others.
It is critical to become your own source of happiness, or to at least take control of situations and know what you can do to pull yourself out when it starts to feel like your sunshine is fading. Whatever sunshine means to you, it is important to hold on to and nurture it so that you can rely on yourself when you need it, or you can become more mindful of others and the emotions that they are entitled to as well. Please don’t take your own sunshine away. Instead, allow yourself to create happiness that you are in complete control of, and that you can utilize whenever you need an extra boost of energy or confidence.
By: Katie Ahrens, Anxiety In Teens Contributor