Talking to parents about mental issues is extremely difficult. When you don’t even know what is going on for yourself it creates more discomfort. Once I realized that I was struggling I needed help from my therapist articulating my thoughts and feelings. She helped me put words to the things that were going on in my life. Once I told my parents they didn’t understand right away but they did their best to support me while they tried to get a grasp on what was going on. The best way to communicate your needs to your family is to be honest with them and open.
The reactions of parents have special circumstances and can always differ. When I first told my family, their first reaction was worry, because no parent wants to see their child suffer. Then, they wanted to become educated about my situation so that they could help and support me in any way possible. After becoming aware, they were much cautious. What surprised me the most was the fact that they didn’t think I was crazy because talking about mental health is a taboo.
My family was helpful in many ways that I sometimes couldn’t even see. The largest and most prominent way that they lifted me was just by having unconditional love for me. Patience was also a large key to my success. If I relapsed in myself harm after 4 months of being clean, they didn’t get upset and yell at me, they instead celebrated the four months and nursed me back out of the cycle. They also just had a presence in my life. Sometimes I didn’t need someone to baby me or talk through my issues with me, I just needed the presence of someone.
I think it would have been very helpful if they already understood what I was going through, but I also wonder if that would have made me feel more like a case study than their child. I do know that if they understood what I was going through more they would have more secure in their own actions and judgement.
I think a lot of parents don’t know exactly how to handle what their teen is going through when the teen is dealing with something. They get worried or stressed and sometimes it may translate as overbearing and make the teen feel trapped in their own home. This can push the family away from the teen and it becomes a vicious cycle of the teen pushing away and the parents pulling back.
Some great advice that I wish I could have given my parents is that love is all healing, but in the right ways. Worry can turn into suffocation for the teen and care can feel like an invasion of privacy. Eventually your teen will realize that you are only trying to help but it will take a bit of time. If you truly are worried and don’t know what to do, then call the therapist. Also. Take care of yourself because you need to be in a good place in order to help others.
Honestly, there is only so much someone can do. If your teen self-harms, for example, you can send them to therapy, a hospital, make sure they never close their door. You cannot, however, always be with them. You cannot sleep next to them, be watching them all day and night, or even have someone else doing it. You are not a superhero even though sometimes it may seem that way. If you are doing your best, that will not go unrecognized.
I think that when opening a conversation about mental health it is completely reliant on timing. The time of the day, the time in your child’s life, and even the time in the school year. By this I mean monitor how your child is feeling. If you notice that they have been in a very agitated mood, don’t try and bring up their mental health in that moment. If they are in a particularly good mood at some point, bring it up casually and gently.
The top three pieces of advice I would give parents about communicating with their teen would first be to tread lightly and gently. Sensitivity will make more room for open communication without too much hostility. Be patient, your teen probably doesn’t understand much of what is going on themselves. Ask questions and be honest with your teen. I am a strong advocate for direct communication, not dancing around the topic of something. If you have something that is confusing you or not making sense, say it. If you feel a certain way about a situation, say something about your feelings. Make sure to let yourself be open.
By: Anais Torres, AiT Contributor