Growing up is part of life. It is a process that comes with challenges that you learn from, some of which you enjoy and others that you hate. When I was 12 years old I went to boarding school little did I know that it would be the roughest time in my life. On March 2002 I realized that something was not right, my family escorted me to school I felt so scared, I kept on crying but my parents did not understand why.
It was my first time in boarding school and I was really frightened. I just thought it was normal and I would adjust with in no time. Unfortunately this discomfort went on for two weeks, I fell very sick because I was not eating so the school nurse called my parents. My mother picked me up and when got home and I was fine. She asked herself if I had been sick because the nausea and lack of appetite disappeared and I was jolly again.
After four days my mother decided to take me back to school and when I was on my way to school I was vomiting, shaking and sweating. I did not understand why my body was in that condition. My mother thought I just didn’t want to go to school so she decided to take me to the hospital for a general check up. Surprisingly the doctor run all the tests and everything was normal so I went back to school. After two days I went back home because I was very sick and the school conditions were not good so I could not cope. I did not go back to school since I was in and out of hospital. I remember my mother went to school at the end of the term and packed my belongings. During the holidays I was very fine but when it was time for me to get back to school I fell sick. This condition was on and off until it got to the point when I was admitted in hospital.
My parents realized that something was not right and they started to relate that time to all the times when I was not well. The doctor told my parents that I had anxiety issues and that they needed to understand my condition in order to help me. My parents decided to put me in a day school and that made my life easier. I was able to talk to them since they knew my condition and they helped me feel better. I started by accepting that I had anxiety and that everyone is anxious at a certain point in their lives. I wrote down my worries and what the worst scenario would be that helped me decrease on my anxiety. Also breathing in and out helped me relax.
In school I would study for an exam thoroughly and when I got to the classroom all the answers would disappear because I was very anxious. But breathing in and out has made me feel better. Thinking about the nice things also helped me not to focus on things that worried me. Some situations made me cry, I think crying when you are anxious helps because it made me feel better; I realized that when I was anxious and I did not cry the anxiety would pile up and make me feel sick so it’s better to cry when you feel like it.
The most important thing is to know that most people will not understand how you feel sometimes and why you feel like that so you need to take those baby steps to help yourself. For example it was finals week so I stayed up all night vomiting and feeling sick yet I had an exam the following morning so I went to my professor’s office and I explained my situation to her. Good enough she allowed me to sit outside the examination room I took my test with a few trips to the restroom but I was more relaxed and able to concentrate. Sometimes being in tensed up environment makes you even more anxious. Also having self pity makes the situation worse. You need to ask yourself what you can do to help yourself. Whenever I am anxious I ask myself what is making me anxious and what I would do to make myself feel better. Anxiety is something that makes you feel sick, sweat, cry but the only solution is to accept you are the only one who can help yourself. You need to be determined and purpose in your mind that you will be fine.
I still get anxious for example I still sweat, feel nauseated but it does not make me sick like in the past. The improvements I made can be experienced by anyone all you need to do is to believe that it can happen. I know it is not easy but accepting that you have anxiety issues is the first step, also knowing that what you think dictates how you feel and lastly knowing that we as human beings have the power to decide how we are going to feel. Have a positive attitude, do not stage a pity party like I used to and remember that you are the only one who can help yourself all the people around you are just branches for support and you are the tree. Anonymous.