At the time of writing this, it’s shortly after the 2 year anniversary of MarShawn McCarrel’s death. MarShawn, a well-known Black Lives Matter activist, took his own life on the statehouse steps on the 8th of February 2016 in Columbus, Ohio. He was 23 years old. Depression, his being hyper-aware of his race and issues concerning race in the US, and the emotional toll of his activism are the most apparent reasons for his suicide. Now, as much as I would want to write an article about the heroics and strength of MarShawn McCarrel, there are so many out there which give respectful, thorough, and admiring tributes written in much more moving, personal, and articulate ways than I ever could, and I encourage anyone who doesn’t know who he is to read about him and his life. Here* is a link to a particularly eloquently written piece in tribute of MarShawn which also touches on the ever so important issue of race and mental illness.
MarShawn’s suicide was a tragedy, as is always the case when someone makes the choice to end their life, but it sparked a necessary and deep conversation about racial hatred, micro-aggressions, and mental health. And that is exactly what I want to talk about in this article. Now, it is important for me not to insult or ignore anyone else’s struggles or stories in conversations about mental health, and this is not what I desire to do, therefore I hope this piece of writing has a message that everyone can relate to in some way; those of you who feel outcast or overlooked, who are part of a minority group like the LGBTQ+ community, the disabled, or ethnic minorities, or who may have acted badly or intolerably towards someone or a group whether knowingly or not, I am writing this in the hopes that we can learn something from tragedies and heartbreaks like this, and we can move forward in our understanding and acceptance of each other through open and raw conversations.
Now here is my story. Personally, I will never fully understand the struggles and the fights of the African American community, as much as I read and try to, and that is because I do not belong to that community, but I can and do relate to the trials and alienation they feel as a person of colour. I am a person of mixed heritage. I am half-Caucasian English and half-Malaysian, and I have had my own struggles with identity living in a predominately white society. I am not “passing” as white like my siblings are; it is very apparent that I have Asian heritage. Ever since I was young and growing up in Britain, I have constantly had the words “chink”, “ching chong”, “yellow”, and “niahao” (amongst other variations) thrown at me more times than I care to remember; I’ve been told that I don’t belong in this country, that I don’t deserve to be here and that I should go back to my own. Hearing those things from a young age up until now, from adults, teenagers, and surprisingly, children, instilled inside of me a deep bitterness for looking the way I do.
Perhaps to some of your surprise, I didn’t detest those who were saying hateful things; I didn’t like them for sure but their words impacted how I felt about myself more so than how I felt about them. I looked at myself as someone who was different, who didn’t belong in this society, who wasn’t worthy of respect, and it culminated in me hiding myself; my feelings, talents, achievements, confidence… everything was hidden because I didn’t want to show myself more and be judged because of it. I developed severe anxiety and depression, for other reasons too, but disliking myself and my appearance played a big role. The feeling of being criticized, mocked, and hated for something that I can’t control, like my skin colour or the shape of my facial features, is something I cannot possibly start to understand, but for people’s words and opinions to have affected me so deeply was an issue which took years and years for me to ignore and finally, reject. Self-love took a long time to achieve, but it was possible for me through educating myself on racial hatred, why people do it and ways in which to overcome it.
As a minority, as a person of colour, especially growing up in the West, you’re more aware that you’re part of a marginalized group, and those micro-aggressions, and sometimes physical acts of resentment, of being discriminated against for things out of your control worsens your sense of self and your mental health because of the emotional strain of being conscious of your minority status and the constant reminder from others that you are “less than.”
Some statistics from the above article show that African Americans are 20% “more likely to experience serious mental health problems than the general population” (The Federal Office of Minority Health, The Washington Post, 2016) and other research shows that this is believed to stem from social stigma. According to The Mental Health Foundation UK**, black and minority ethnic groups are:
- More likely to be diagnosed with mental health problems
- More likely to be diagnosed and admitted to hospital
- More likely to experience a poor outcome from treatment
- More likely to disengage from mainstream mental health services, leading to social exclusion and a deterioration in their mental health
These studies explain that there a number of factors which may contribute to a high number of ethnic minorities experiencing mental health problems, but state that the most likely reasons are poverty, social stigma, and racism. It is difficult living in a community and country of which doesn’t seem to want you there, and therefore admitting you need help and getting that help is even harder. Why would you want to ask for help from someone who treats you with hostility? Don’t get me wrong, please, because I know the majority of people do not treat minorities with hatred, I fully understand that and I have experienced much kindness as well, but unfortunately, the resentment, bitterness, and hatred sticks to you more than the goodness does.
With that being said, there is hope to be found, as there always is. To those of you in a minority group, who feel abandoned and neglected, please believe that those who put you down are doing so for reasons completely apart from you. It has nothing to do with you. They are putting their hatefulness onto you, but you don’t need to let them. You are in charge of your identity, and you can shape it in whatever way you would like. Your ethnicity, race, culture, sexual orientation, or any other factor that you cannot control does not determine what kind of person you are and how you should feel about yourself. You have the wonderful ability and opportunity to choose what kind of person you want to be, and hurtful, distorted, ugly words should not be a determining factor in your personal development. Always remember that.
The way to move forward in regards to race and mental health is conversation. We need to approach the subject with tact and patience; we need to listen when a group comes forward and says they are struggling. We need to be careful with our words because we don’t know how they will affect someone. We need to talk openly and without fear of being judged. And most of all, we must remember to be kind. MarShawn McCarrel was fighting for a better future and ultimately lost the battle with himself. His famous final message was “My demons won today. I’m sorry.” But his legacy and his unchanging fight for justice through his humanity and compassion opened a discussion which will help the lives of so many fighting the same battles, and which will continue to progress his quest for equality.
By: Eliza Khalid, Anxiety In Teens Contributor
*https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2016/02/15/my-demons-won-today-ohio-activists-suicide-spotlights-depression-among-black-lives-matter-leaders/?utm_term=.24f6daece933
**https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/b/black-asian-and-minority-ethnic-bame-communities