There are levels to emotions as we grow up. And as we enter adulthood, the Boulder on our Shoulders just gets larger.
As a teenager, I myself, suffered a great deal with social and personal interactions. The majority of the time I was surrounded by people that cared and loved me – yet I always still felt alone.
As I got older, now in my 20’s, I look back at these times and realize I was running a race (one of which I’m still running).
…but today she ran as if she never had to turn around. She ran hard and long until her lungs felt like they’d fall out. And even then she kept running. She valued and appreciated the running river to her right; the condensation dripping from the rocks to her left; the trees and bends in this trail – more than ever today.
I used my writing as my way of release from my mind – I still do. We underestimate the power of words. The most important thing that I needed then and need now is to know that I’m not alone. Physically alone, is okay. Mentally, emotionally, and intellectually alone isn’t always okay. So many of us grow quiet once the sun sets and get lost in our solitude. We forget to appreciate the blue skies and green grass. We’re content on some days – specifically during the spring and summer when the weather’s nicer – but other days are always dreary.
The three things that helped me the most were things I wasn’t able to appreciate until now:
I am a runner. I’ve been very successful at running. Running to and from things, running away from things, running away from my feelings, running away from my fears, my regrets, my dreams… well you get the point. I also am very good at using my two feet. I usually do physically run miles a day. Uphill, downhill, straight-aways, and curves – I’ve had screaming matches in my head and smiles when I finished. And after the miles were completed, my Boulder felt like a Stone.
As a teenager I lost focus of the importance of education. When I was a freshman in high school, I had no desire to even finish school. I wanted to work. I wanted to play. Big mistake. I dropped out my sophomore year, worked full-time, and spent my time with a group of people that I have not spoken to nor seen in years, and had no idea about life. After some circumstances and unfortunate situations, I did end up finishing high-school and going to college.
It was important for me to find things I enjoyed that allowed my mind to be at ease. I like hiking when everyone else is sleeping and the sun is just coming up. I like running up mountains and sitting for hours at the top. I like driving for hours to a beach or a lake and sitting there while I write about my day. My interests have taken me to different worlds I was unaware of until recently. And maybe it’s because I’m getting older, but I’ve also never appreciated my alone time as much as I do now. I used to dread spending hours and days alone. Now, I look forward to having a day just for me. A day just to sit in my own thoughts, in my own experiences, and acknowledge what is going on inside of me.
She saw the sun rise from every hemisphere; from every mountain top, every river front, every island, every building. She saw the sun set from every border, every dividend. Every ocean, every lake, and every corner she took.
With that being said, we all have the power to overcome depression and anxiety. Do you ever feel like running away? The most important thing I’ve learned was to not give in and never give up.
By: Lindsey Miranda, AiT Contributor