Distractions have become one of the best ways to relieve myself of anxiety from the restless thoughts that need to be avoided.

My thoughts are my own worst nightmare. They can be more damaging to me than any other outside source. I need to distract myself some nights in order to keep my thoughts busy so that I can drift off into peaceful sleep.

One of the ways I can do this is by counting backwards down from 100. This keeps my brain busy while also letting me start to zone out and fall asleep. The counting distractions work best when I’m met with thoughts involving things that I cannot control that scare me.

If I find myself asking the two worded question and thinking of different crazy things that have a one in a million chance of so and so happening, I tell myself to breathe, and start my counting. This method works best for me, but I’ve heard of others using the alphabet, and some friends even challenge themselves with foreign language alphabets or even simple math problems like going through the times table for a number like 7 (7×1=7, 7×2=14 etc).

When my thoughts are on harder subjects such as things involving my time or lifespan, the counting method is less calming. The best distraction I’ve found to combat these thoughts is to go through my next day in slow-mo. I can sometimes find myself stressing about not having enough time before I graduate to get everything done that I would like. These thoughts are troubling because there is nothing that you can do at midnight to solve any problems about time.

So instead, I take a moment and ask myself “what are you doing tomorrow?”. Then I start with waking up in the morning and think about every small detail and every menial task until my brain gets tired and I finally fall asleep. I wake up; I brush my teeth and wash my face; I get dressed; I go downstairs and make myself breakfast, etc. Taking things one step at a time helps to slow my brain down when I start to feel myself thinking “what will you think when you’re 30?”. I’m 19 years old, and I need to focus on the now. Thinking long term is good when making decisions, but at 2 am if I’m being kept up by thoughts about my future, bringing myself back to the present can take all that anxiety away and help me get the rest I need to tackle the next day.

If you’ve got your own way to distract your brain, let me hear it! I’m always looking for new ways to keep my thoughts quiet so that I can get a good night’s sleep. A game of Sudoku, a rerun of your favorite movie on television, whatever it may be, your distractions can help you get through the rough nights when your busy brain is the only one to blame.

-Anna Taddei, Anxiety In Teens Contributor

Many people find this sanctuary in the comfort of their own homes. Family-oriented households are the warm welcome they need when the anxiety of school or the stress of friends gets to be too much to handle. Having not only a place to escape to, but an entire support system as soon as you walk through the door can mean the world and help release some on the tension built up from anxiety.

For others, their escape is their therapist or psychologist’s office. Knowing that there is someone who will hear everything that is on your mind and help you get through it is such a comforting thought that even if you are stuck in the last hours of school or at the dinner table at a giant family gathering, you will get through it with the knowledge that at some point, even if it’s not right away, you will get the relief and the help that you need. There is even one article I found that suggests that the white noise in a therapist’s waiting room can be a sanctuary from the outside world: “It’s the emotional airlock between the chaos of the outside world and the sanctuary of the therapy office…It’s public yet private, a shared place of solitude” (Ryan Howes, PhD, ABPP in In Therapy).

This leads me to my final safe house from anxiety—alone time. When the girls at school are pounding away at your last nerve, when you feel like you don’t have the strength to get through another family gathering, or when the people at work aren’t treating you respectfully, your own mind can be the immediate escape that you need. Although my thoughts are often the ones that give me the most anxiety, the ability to distract myself and keep my thoughts busy has saved me from breaking down on more than one occasion. Deep breaths, images of you being wherever you would much rather be, the silence you wish that was surrounding you; these are all things that can get you away, at least for the time being, to somewhere safe from anxiety.

Support systems are extremely important, and even more than that, having a place to call safe from anxiety can be the difference between a break down and the strength to get through it. Remember you always have a way out. If you need to talk, go talk—expressing yourself and your anxieties releases them from your body and allows you to let go. Having somewhere to go and do that safely and comfortably is vital. Whether it’s your therapist or your parents or even your own personal journal or blog, a safe house from anxiety is necessary when the rest of the world is just a bit too much.

By: Anna Taddei, Anxiety In Teens Contributor

Some step I found when researching this topic were as follows:

1. Make Yourself Comfortable-I usually bring my Tigger with me when I travel (a stuffed animal may sound lame, but it’s a comfort that can’t be beat!) or my stress stone.
2. Organization-There’s nothing more stressful than losing a boarding pass or an ID. Know where everything is and make it easily accessible for less stressful moments.
3. Tune Out Stress-The unfamiliar noises of a new place can make anxieties grow. Have an iPod or something to listen to for yourself that can calm your body and put your mind at ease.
4. Make the Space Yours-Having somewhere to escape to like your own room or even just making yourself comfortable in a hotel room with personal touches can make you feel a bit more comfortable and at home on the go!
5. Know Where You Are-If you’re travelling to a place that’s totally new to you, do your research! Knowing the place you will be staying in better can help familiarize you with the area and help you feel less shocked by the new surroundings

These are easy steps that you can take for yourself even if you are not the one planning the trip. It can be stressful when a family member has made all the plans and you’re just along for the ride. Try being involved in the planning process so that you will know exactly what’s happening and will be more prepared for your journey.

I recently took a trip to Disneyland with my family and my boyfriend. Not only was I stressed about combining my family’s lifestyle with my boyfriend’s, but I was worried about being able to get some sleep in the hotel room. One thing that helped me was to have a movie that I have seen about a hundred times on my IPod. The familiar sounds and lines from the movie made me feel more comfortable even when the lights went out. I also had my Tigger along (we were in Disneyland, it would be mean of me not to bring him) to hold onto in bed when all the thoughts of the day would have all of my attention, and therefore all of my worry. At the end of the day, with all of the support from my family as well as the steps I took for myself, it was a great vacation to the Happiest Place on Earth.

I know better than most how anxieties rise when you’re in motion and the family that’s coming to visit are making you less than comfortable even in your own home; but with some help (and some deep breaths!), any vacation can be a happy one.
Anna Taddei, Anxiety In Teens Contributor

Finding your voice in an unequal power arrangement-especially when the more powerful person (a teacher, doctor, boss) is shaming you-takes a great amount of courage.

Consider my therapy client Margot, whom I first met when she was a high school senior, full of talent and energy and a huge gift for empathy and connection. She also was vulnerable to deep depression and would later be diagnosed with manic-depressive illness. During her freshman year of college, she made a suicide attempt after a boyfriend broke up with her. Needless to say, it was the year from hell for Margot, and terrifying for her family who loved her.

When Margot returned home over spring break, she visited her favorite teacher in high school, a man who had mentored her and believed in her promise. After some catch-up conversation, the teacher said, “I was so sorry to hear about your suicide attempt, Margot. To be frank, I felt very disappointed. I didn’t see you as the sort of person who would do such a thing.” When they parted, the teacher gave her a hearty pat on the back and said, “I miss the old Margot. I know that strong gal is still in there somewhere!”

Margot had suffered enough, and was struggling mightily in her brief therapy with me to keep sight of her competence and strengths. She felt flattened by these words from a teacher who had once showed her the greatest attention and respect. Now, as he shamed her for her apparent “weakness,” he invited Margot to see herself as “the sort of person who would do such a thing.” What sort of person is that? And what did he mean by “such a thing”? Plus, there was no “old” or “new” Margot. There was only Margot. She felt like a truck had hit her.

It is the film reel which almost sent me over the edge of a cliff; unfortunately I don’t mean that in any metaphorical sense.

Imagine for a moment that you are in an old movie theater, back when they had the big film reels. Now imagine that somehow the reel can be on a continuous loop just replaying the same thing over and over again. Stretch your imagination further and imagine that this reel contains every one of your memories of a failure, a mistake, or an embarrassment. You are then forced to sit and watch this endless reel of your all your short comings. This was my life, for years I have had this experience. An endless number of slides containing all the times I failed, all the times I disappointed someone, and every other embarrassing mistake I made in my life. Things would obviously get added as I grew and often times a new failure experience would start the film again.

Enter in the depression, which is as much nature and it was nurture. Both of my parents struggled with depression in their difficult child and adulthoods. However I also grew up experiencing, in particular, my father’s struggles with depression as well as alcoholism – which work in sync with each other to create a more destructive force.

Last semester I was particularly overloaded, I was attempting to take five college courses while also working over full time between three different jobs. Needless to say the lack of consistent sleep and rather unhealthy diet caused my mind to take off on a long journey, my anxiety increasing each day until the end of October when my film reel would not shut off. I took a walk which usually helps with my thought reel but I walked along the cliffs near the Mississippi river and I just wanted my own voice in my head to be silent, just for a moment. I begged and pleaded. I just wanted some inner silence. Just one quiet moment and at one point my desperation pulled my mind to the idea of just throwing myself down the ledge; if only for a moment’s reprieve.

I was barely able to walk myself back to my apartment and then I dragged my sorry self to work and in the morning I met with my counselor. I talked about what had happened and it wasn’t until she asked me whether or not I felt like I could keep myself safe that my calm demeanor shattered.

I knew the answer was I could not keep myself safe.

It was a scary thought, as I had experiences of wanting desperately to commit suicide before; even in the presence of my own family members.  My counselor kept me well past my scheduled time to convince me to sign myself into a hospital. A couple of my closest friends went with me and I was in a mental health facility for five days.

This was just last October. The problems, as I said, are lifelong issues but I am making progress. My entire high school story is a traumatic tale itself and while I have heard some college classmate pine for the “old days” I would never trade my current days for the world. There is no amount of money which could convince me to return to the untreated mental instability of my youth.

I am still “making up for lost time” and my life plans have extended themselves to accommodate for my mental health needs. Notwithstanding the general grievances of life as a college student who works my life has been better since last October. I have the necessary support in terms of friends, family members, and professional health care and my own inner strength which has somehow carried me this far.

To end with my favorite quote:

“Success is not final; failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts.”

~ Winston Churchill

By:  Madeline, Anxiety In Teens Contributor

Have a Story of Your Own? Share it with us here.

Did you know how big of a sin it is to worry? (I didn’t)

Did you know that it plants roots of distrust and dishonor in your heart? (I didn’t)

Family of faith,
Crooked are the paths of those who worry for themselves.

We worship a God that takes care for us, PERIOD. No more excuses as to why we don’t live that way. He has nothing to prove, He died on a cross so we could live such freedom.

Time has come for us to rise up with Him in heavenly places and break our fearful habits. No more asking “what about me?” Or concerning yourself with what is to come in the future. Trust and receive a God sized reward.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5, 6 NASB)

Has faith played a big role in your recovery to leading a successful, anxiety-free life? How? Share with us below:

I was told that high school would be the absolute best. There would be nothing like it. It would involve partying, valuable knowledge, love, sex and choosing my path. I was told that I should soak it all in or else I’d wake up one day and I would be 40 years old, combing my few leftover hair strands, wishing I could go back in time using the “Back To the Future” DeLorean. One day, as an adult, stress and anxiety is supposed to bite you on the ass. But not as a teen.

High school hasn’t been the fairy tale I dreamed of. It’s been a draining and stress-filled environment. If I’d known at the time that what older individuals were telling me was a complete lie, I would’ve slapped them across the face.

From the moment we step onto the high school scene, anxiety bursts through our chests, restricting our breathing. It’s a constant battle with our surroundings and within us.

“Who are my friends?” is the first question asked.

READ MORE

When tragedies like random violence or school shootings occur, it affects many of us very deeply for several reasons:

• Human Cause: According to research, traumatic events that are intentionally caused by a person (rather than a random act of nature, for example) are the most difficult to recover from (followed by those unintentionally caused by a person).
• Random Violence: The randomness of events like school shootings cause us all to fear for our children and for ourselves, as there is nothing to distinguish the victims from anyone else. Often with violence, we look for things that would set us apart from the victims so that we can still feel safe and less at-risk (“I never sleep with my windows open like that rape victim did, so that couldn’t as easily happen to me”). With such random shootings, we must realize that we, too, would be vulnerable in such a situation.
• No Warning: In most of life’s dangerous situations, there are at least one or two warning signs of impending danger, and we use these to help us avoid being vulnerable. Storm clouds gather, animals bare their fangs, fights escalate. However, in instances like school shootings, where students were simply going to class as they did every day, or with mall or church shootings, where victims were merely going about their daily lives, there was no warning, which makes us all realize that something like this could happen to us with no warning as well.

So in situations like these, we are more likely to put ourselves in the place of the victims, which can cause us all to become more traumatized by these events. We hear about the quick thinkers who saved themselves and other students in the Virginia Tech shootings, for example, and of heroes who gave their lives to protect others, and we wonder how we would react in such a situation. We wonder what could have been done to prevent this so we can know how to feel safer.

These reactions are helpful to us and to society in a way, so before we push away feelings of anxiety and distress over the shootings, we should allow them to do what they’re meant to do: push us to action. What actions can be taken?

• Safety Plans: The most obvious next step is for us all to look for ways that safety can be increased and human casualties can be minimized or eliminated in the future, if such a tragedy were to occur again. Following past school shootings, changes have been made such as increases in campus security, zero-tolerance policies, and increased vigilance. (In fact, the shooter in this case had already raised some red flags on campus and was recommended repeatedly for counseling.) Also, some groups like TeenCentral.net have come into action and have reportedly stopped potential school shooters. Other potential shooters have been turned in by vigilant classmates. Recent would-be shooters in other venues have been stopped ahead of time as well. Possible next steps could include the adoption of a policy where all students on a campus could receive a warning text message in the event of a shooting on a campus, and a clear policy could be publicized to keep students safer in such an event.
• Personal Preparedness: As individuals, we can also become more safety-oriented. We can have clear plans in our minds of what to do in an emergency situation. We can become more trusting of our intuition and listen to the inner voice that warns us of potentially dangerous people. (This may or may not help in a school shooting situation, but it can keep us safer in many other potentially dangerous scenarios.)
• Reaching Out: Those who would do something as senseless and violent as what these shooters have done are clearly disturbed and emotionally unstable. They tend to be isolated loners who feel severely angry and hopeless, and have dehumanized others in their minds. While no amount of reaching out may have helped these individuals, if anything constructive can come from such tragedy, perhaps it’s a reminder of the importance of human connection. Whether it inspires someone to reach out to an acquaintance who may be isolated and lonely, or it sparks someone who’s at the end of their rope to seek help or support, a greater sense of connection among people could result from such a tragedy.

To read more about  how to cope with random and tragic events like these,  check out the full About.com article here

How did the Sandy Hook elementary school shooting affect you?

One great way to start moving towards the opposite direction and start overcoming our negative thinking is to create positive affirmations about ourselves. An affirmation is the claim that something is true. These affirmation starts persuading the mind and making them also feel true because it’s difficult for the mind to distinguish from what’s fantasy and reality.

There are many audio affirmations that can be found online on sites such as Youtube. Psychology Today provides 5 steps on creating tailored affirmations that are effective and powerful and can help make a difference in your life!

They go more or less like this:

Step 1:
Create a list of what you have thought of as your negative qualities. Any criticisms and anything bad someone has told you before (parents, teachers, and other peers). Among all these criticisms, look for a common theme (e.g. “I am not worthy” “I am not smart” “No one likes me”). Don’t judge whether if they’re accurate.

The article points an important fact, that we are humans and humans have flaws.

Step2:
Now write an affirmation that adds a positive twist to the self-judgment statements from step 1. Use powerful words to beef up your new statement. An “I’m worthy” could say “I’m remarkable and cherished.” Ask a trusted person to help you make it stronger.

Step 3:
Take the new statements and repeat them to yourself for about five minutes three times a day. This could be done when you’re getting ready in the morning when you frequent your mirror. Notice how things feel different over time and the “realness” of the words you are repeating.

Step 4:
Explore what negative feelings the negative self-judgments made you feel. As the reprogramming of your thoughts is in process, “you want to move from the concept of the affirmation to a real, positive embodiment of the quality you seek.”

Last Step (5)!
Get a trusted friend to repeat the affirmation to you. As you hear the words, allow it to sink in and accept them. If you don’t feel comfortable having someone repeat it to you, you can always use your reflection in the mirror.
Think of affirmations as a powerful tool that can help change your mood and some of the ingrained thoughts we have about ourselves. Let’s start seeing ourselves in a new light today.

-Jimmy Jara, Anxiety In Teens Contributor

The best way to go about expressing your feelings should be without using them. Your parent or guardian might have no knowledge as to what an anxiety disorder or even depression looks like, so they may try to write it off as something else. Don’t take this personally—it’s just as hard for them to understand as it probably was for you. Talking it out without letting your self get angry or frustrated can be difficult. When considering this topic of facing your parents with a difficult topic, I was reminded of one of my newest favorite movies, Brave.

Brave is the newest movie out by Disney about a princess who is having some difficulty seeing eye to eye with her mother’s ever-so-queen-like ways. When push came to shove, the princess ended up overreacting to her mother’s opinion and that is where the story begins to spin out of control. If one thing was made clear through the eyes of the princess, it’s that even when the issues you are facing are difficult and you just want someone to see things the way you do, listening and hearing out the other side can make things much easier for both of you.

I know it may seem wacky to take something as serious as a discussion on mental health and compare it to a Disney movie, but I really think that the easiest way of getting through a hard conversation is to see things through the other person’s eyes, just like the Brave princess. Talking to parents is key when trying to tackle a problem like anxiety, and we need all the help we can get- especially when the parents themselves might need more information on a topic that could be foreign to them. If this is the case, come prepared. Have some information handy that can be used to further explain an anxiety disorder (i.e. what it is, what the effects are, some of the ways it can be combatted etc.) in order to give some background, as well as to let your parents know that you are going through something tough that can be helped. Parents and guardians are necessary in getting you help, and if it’s not easy that is totally normal. There are other resources as well that can help you even if your parents don’t totally understand. The important thing is to talk (and listen) to them and make sure that they know what you’re going through and how it can help.

One of the best things to have in a hard time is a support system. Once you find it, you’ll have the strength to get through anything life throws at you. Asking for help isn’t easy, but when you’re brave enough to ask for it, it can mean the world.
-Anna Tadei, Anxiety In Teens Contributor